This is an incredibly selfish and toxic thing to instill in your child. I was raised by a narcissistic mother who always held every little thing she has ever done for me over my head, and it definitely left an impression. She raised me as an extension of herself rather than as a separate individual with her own wants and needs. For the longest time I lived my life based off what was expected of me as opposed to what I wanted. The angst you experience when you snap out of that state is inexplicable. I’m past that now, but I’m still struggling to figure out what I want because for many years I never listened to myself. I don’t know your relationship with your parents but the only thing I can tell you is that you have to separate yourself from them — that’s the only way to find fulfillment in life. It may mean that you need to reduce your interactions with then or even cut them out for a while. I did that. It’s very hard at first because of all the guilt you’ve been raised with but it goes away in time. Your parents can’t demand that you sacrifice your life for them — you don’t owe them anything. They made a decision to have you and their expectations is their problem, not yours. You came here to figure out who you are, not to serve someone else’s agenda.