Explore your dark side to achieve inner peace

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Why do you not go out there and just murder people when you feel like it?

When this question was addressed to my social studies class in high school, the first response that came to my mind was: Because it’s prohibited by law, and if I murder someone, I’ll go to prison.

I didn’t think that I wouldn’t do it because it was amoral or unethical; that I didn’t have the right to take someone else’s life, or anything else of similar meaning. …


And what you can do to overcome it

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Have you ever felt like you were responsible for the success and well-being of another grown adult? Like this other person really needed your help, and if it weren’t for you, they would be in a lot of trouble, unable to take care of themselves?

Have you felt like you had to save them? And if none of your efforts worked and the person continued down the path of self-destruction, have you felt in denial about it?

Originally, the term “codependency” was associated exclusively with partners of alcoholics, who often stayed in the dysfunctional relationship despite the massive damage the…


3. “You are just like your father!”

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If you were raised by a toxic parent, you usually know it. The trauma can be long-lasting and can quite literally ruin your life.

A toxic parent’s behavior is defined by self-centered attitudes, controlling, physical and psychological abuse, manipulations, and complete disregard for personal boundaries.

Generally, toxic parents try to control you by invoking a sense of intense guilt, obligation, or inadequacy. One way to help yourself not get emotionally engaged when they attack you is to realize what hides behind the insults they are throwing at you. …


Your decisions are always right

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There are few things out that are more painful than regretting a decision, which, in hindsight, appears to have been a mistake.

You look back and think you should have known better, or at least wish that you did. Switching jobs, leaving a long-term partner, starting an affair, moving across the country, dropping out of school, catering to a toxic family member— whatever it is that you did, now you regret it because the outcome of your choices didn’t turn out as expected.

Or maybe it did, and you only now realize that this is not what you actually wanted…


2. You are always the one to take the blame

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One could say codependence is an overused term these days.

Originally, the term “codependency” was associated exclusively with partners of alcoholics, who often stayed in the dysfunctional relationship despite the massive damage the addiction caused, in the hopes of “fixing” their spouse.

However, over time the meaning of the term has been extended to describe an individual with a tendency to remain in unhealthy, one-sided relationships, where they cater to their partner’s needs without regard to their own, thus enabling his or her toxic behavior, be it abuse, addiction, or general underachievement.

A tendency to codependence stems from childhood. If…


Understanding and dealing with the false sense of duty

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“Look how much I’ve done for you, and you can’t even [blank]!”

How often have you heard this critical accusation from your parents? The [blank] could be anything, from doing chores to being a straight-A student to holding a certain job to selecting a specific romantic partner. Your parents believe they have sacrificed so much for you, so now you have to dedicate yourself to giving back to them.

Growing up under this incessant pressure, you have internalized one thing: you are a burden. You’ve learned to comply with your parents’ demands, not because you genuinely want to be helpful…


You subconsciously make the same mistakes

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Are you chronically unsuccessful in your romantic relationships?

Do you find yourself in a series of failed romantic affairs, all of which seem to be ending the same way?

Each time the story tends to repeat itself. You meet someone, the two of you hit it off, and you start seeing each other. Depending on your individual situation, it may either evolve into a full-blown, long-term relationship, or even a marriage or never leave the realm of casual dating. Either way, at some point, things just start going downhill.

Thus, you may find yourself consistently attracted to “bad guys” who…


Take control of your life by focusing on yourself

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Admit it: you secretly wish you could change others.

And if your first reaction to this statement is a wave of protest, think about how much time you spend each day criticizing other people and telling them what they are doing wrong and why. How much time you spend trying to prove to those around you why your perspective is more valid than theirs.

Every such criticism is nothing else but a demand for your world to change.

If you don’t do that at all, then congratulations — you’re Buddha. You must have been able to achieve a state of…


A poem about urban melancholy

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Tossed away, expended, withered, misspent,
Tested by eternity, quality controlled,
I’m wearing a tartan scarf and no gloves, as usual,
Breathing at you with my love, my cold,
Writing poetry in my head, intense and delusional,
About summertime, loss, and the autumn’s gold.

My fingers are wooden in the piercing wind,
The pigeons get it, worn out and disheveled,
Keeping close, keeping warm on the city’s electric lines,
Watching intently how our story has ungodly unraveled.
All I can hear is the millions of unbreakable chimes,
All I can think is how unbearably far this sound has seemingly traveled.

I…

Anastasia Summersault

A recovering investment professional. Reflecting on experience to live a better life. Talk to me: codexe.crystal@gmail.com

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