Why do you not go out there and just murder people when you feel like it?
When this question was addressed to my social studies class in high school, the first response that came to my mind was: Because it’s prohibited by law, and if I murder someone, I’ll go to prison.
I didn’t think that I wouldn’t do it because it was amoral or unethical; that I didn’t have the right to take someone else’s life, or anything else of similar meaning. …
Have you ever felt like you were responsible for the success and well-being of another grown adult? Like this other person really needed your help, and if it weren’t for you, they would be in a lot of trouble, unable to take care of themselves?
Have you felt like you had to save them? And if none of your efforts worked and the person continued down the path of self-destruction, have you felt in denial about it?
Originally, the term “codependency” was associated exclusively with partners of alcoholics, who often stayed in the dysfunctional relationship despite the massive damage the addiction caused, in the hopes of “fixing” their spouse. …
If you were raised by a toxic parent, you usually know it. The trauma can be long-lasting and can quite literally ruin your life.
A toxic parent’s behavior is defined by self-centered attitudes, controlling, physical and psychological abuse, manipulations, and complete disregard for personal boundaries.
Generally, toxic parents try to control you by invoking a sense of intense guilt, obligation, or inadequacy. One way to help yourself not get emotionally engaged when they attack you is to realize what hides behind the insults they are throwing at you. …
One could say codependence is an overused term these days.
Originally, the term “codependency” was associated exclusively with partners of alcoholics, who often stayed in the dysfunctional relationship despite the massive damage the addiction caused, in the hopes of “fixing” their spouse.
However, over time the meaning of the term has been extended to describe an individual with a tendency to remain in unhealthy, one-sided relationships, where they cater to their partner’s needs without regard to their own, thus enabling his or her toxic behavior, be it abuse, addiction, or general underachievement.
A tendency to codependence stems from childhood. If you were raised in a family where your emotional needs weren’t satisfied, such as in circumstances where your parents were manipulative, overly critical, controlling, overbearing, or otherwise inadequate or even abusive, then in adulthood, you will likely find yourself attracted to people who exhibit similar behaviors. …
“Look how much I’ve done for you, and you can’t even [blank]!”
How often have you heard this critical accusation from your parents? The [blank] could be anything, from doing chores to being a straight-A student to holding a certain job to selecting a specific romantic partner. Your parents believe they have sacrificed so much for you, so now you have to dedicate yourself to giving back to them.
Growing up under this incessant pressure, you have internalized one thing: you are a burden. You’ve learned to comply with your parents’ demands, not because you genuinely want to be helpful, but out of a false sense of guilt and duty. …
Are you chronically unsuccessful in your romantic relationships?
Do you find yourself in a series of failed romantic affairs, all of which seem to be ending the same way?
Each time the story tends to repeat itself. You meet someone, the two of you hit it off, and you start seeing each other. Depending on your individual situation, it may either evolve into a full-blown, long-term relationship, or even a marriage or never leave the realm of casual dating. Either way, at some point, things just start going downhill.
Thus, you may find yourself consistently attracted to “bad guys” who end up taking advantage of or betraying you. Or, you may be falling for men who are permanently unemployed, so you find yourself having to carry them. It may be angry men, depressed men, underachieving men, emotionally unavailable men — you name it; by now, you probably may already have an idea of what rings a bell for you. …
Admit it: you secretly wish you could change others.
And if your first reaction to this statement is a wave of protest, think about how much time you spend each day criticizing other people and telling them what they are doing wrong and why. How much time you spend trying to prove to those around you why your perspective is more valid than theirs.
Every such criticism is nothing else but a demand for your world to change.
If you don’t do that at all, then congratulations — you’re Buddha. You must have been able to achieve a state of supreme happiness and internal peace, free of the judgment and prejudice of society. …
Tossed away, expended, withered, misspent,
Tested by eternity, quality controlled,
I’m wearing a tartan scarf and no gloves, as usual,
Breathing at you with my love, my cold,
Writing poetry in my head, intense and delusional,
About summertime, loss, and the autumn’s gold.
My fingers are wooden in the piercing wind,
The pigeons get it, worn out and disheveled,
Keeping close, keeping warm on the city’s electric lines,
Watching intently how our story has ungodly unraveled.
All I can hear is the millions of unbreakable chimes,
All I can think is how unbearably far this sound has seemingly traveled.
I find it hard to feel bad for the naked, black trees,
They’re a lot like me, with their souls inside out.
I am walking this life with no idea of its fundamental formation
And no clue why my interest on it didn’t compound,
Trying on things random tenses, cases, and conjugations,
Waving goodbye to the nonchalant birds that are now southbound. …
Have you ever encountered people whose whole life, it seems, is an excruciating, dramatic, incessant struggle?
They seem to permanently be in some kind of trouble, having problems and — naturally — complaining about them. They tend to catastrophize, blow things out of proportion, and always expect the worst. They also like to often reach out for help, but when possible solutions are offered, they either dismiss or criticize them, claiming that this is not enough and nobody can understand what they are going through.
Have you met people like this in your life?
Are you one of these people?
If you did — and if you are — then you may be dealing with something called the victim syndrome. …